And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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