I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
