So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
