i think my mom watched the whole time
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
