Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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