How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
