just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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