Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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