Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
