its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
