Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
