i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
