I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
