I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
