i don't like sucking hair
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
