That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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