Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
