i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
