If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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