this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
