Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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