You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
