Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
