I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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