drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm too high and old for this...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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