Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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