were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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