i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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