he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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