cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
