we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
