all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
