So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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