Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
