So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
