textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
