hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Vodka?
Forever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
