her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
