Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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