Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
