I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
