But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I bet he comes in French.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
FUCK WHALES
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
