I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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