I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
