Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
