I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
