hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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