Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
