so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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