you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My ATM looks so different sober.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize