the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
