road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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