I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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