I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
