I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
